The Man I Married

Let me introduce you to the real man I married....
He gets out of the shower and walks around with his hands up in the air saying "oh yea. oh yea bitches" while swinging his stuff around in a big circle. Ugh the image.

I bend over to get the dishes out of the dishwasher and my body is thrown forward as he grabs my hips and starts humping me. Actually any time I bend over. Why do men do this? OR is Roger the only one?

If I'm standing and he walks by I can guarantee I'm going to get a smack on the ass.

If I'm sitting at my computer he will jump up on the chair and put one foot on the desk and hump my head! And every thrust requires an "oh yea. Oh yea" and the occasional "you like that?" while grinding his teeth together.

The thing that kills me is I fell in love with this man the second I met him. I knew he was the love of my life - you know how...because he was telling a story about a blow job and a "double fisted twisty" (a what you ask?...you can ask him). Keep in mind I met him at the hospital and this was a work meeting! I had never met someone who made me laugh harder, I was more attracted to and more sexually compatible with!

He is the handiest man and can fix anything!!!!!!!! ANYTHING! I take it for granted that I say "I want a wall here. A light here. A bookshelf here" and he does it. We have a TV I can't work. 3 computers I can't turn on. He is 100 times smarter than I could be. AND FUNNY!!!!!

He is also a grammar Nazi! We spent our Anniversary at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa (a 5 star resort) and the girl came to take our drink requests at the pool and instead of ordering his strawberry daiquiri with whip cream (thats right - thats what I said) he hands her the menu and says "do you know how many spelling mistakes are on this menu?" Then turns to me like they spit on his meal and said "this is an expensive resort! This is ridiculous!!!! Doesn't anyone proof read this stuff?"

What a giant pain in my ass he is....and I love him extra for it!