Crazy Pills

So I have clearly swallowed a bit more crazy pills lately than normal. I made a giant ass of myself and I can't seem to kick the feeling of shame and flat out embarrassment. I got drunk and said a bunch a stuff I shouldn't have said. I feel seriously awful and the BEST part is I don't 100% realize or know exactly what I said so I'm having a hard time apologizing in detail. Either way I think I pretty much closed that door and need to move forward.
What an asshole I can be and worse what a crazy bitch. Ugh I feel rotten.
I am trying to start the mid year anew.
Chill out on the wine. Stop bailing on my trainer. Stay the F off Facebook. Put my phone down and try and regain my spark. I don't know if its postpartum mixed with wine mixed with lack of sleep but I need a spring in my step. Vacation was nice but clearly no vacation in the true sense of the word. Three kids in a hotel room in San Diego for four days and it rained three! Holy shit can someone give me a sedative or at least give my husband one so I can survive.
Palm Springs is a few short weeks away and I'm so excited I'm actually giving myself headaches just thinking of chilling by the pool with a book. I'm going to be like a kid on Christmas morning! Jumping out of bed and running toward the pool (instead of the tree) jumping and skipping and squealing with glee the entire way. People are going to look at me like I'm crazy as I stand there crying because no one is sitting, pulling, grabbing on me. I will be able to pee alone and take a shower and no one rips back the curtain. No one repeating my name Mommy MOMMY MOMMY mommy mommy like a parrot.
Roger will be home with all three kids. I'm partially scared shitless and partially evil. I want him to realize how hard it can be to balance three babies and all I want is a little appreciation for what I do all the times while he is away but I have a feeling I will return home to "so what's so hard about this" attitude. Either way I don't care. I haven't had a vacation since Kian was 6 months old and it was only a night away for our anniversary!

And then on top of being pissy and being piss drunk I tried to post my family blog and was hit with "someone has deemed this link offensive and or spam". I literally said out loud - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? So I got pissed and deleted my Facebook account which created an entire new drama. NO I did not delete you....geez I'm so popular :) But isn't it funny the people you secretly want to care or notice never do. That you secretly want the text that says "you out there. don't see you on facebook". And let me tell you the sickest part of it all....I was off Facebook 6 days and I felt like I had died and was just a ghost floating around unable to communicate with anyone who had still lived. Like everyone was going on with normal life...I missed all the updates on what people were doing. Its sad...so sad....