Its a rainy day and the boys are watching Toy Story 3, B is playing in her saucer. We just finished an art project that turned out nothing like I thought it would in my mind. Panting the hands and feet of three kids 5, 3 and 5 months may not have been my best idea to date....and as I look down the hallway I see two set of feet in yellow trim from the kitchen to the bathroom. hmmmmm....not. a. good. idea.
Roger is currently at the Urologist for a consult on an vasectomy or as I've been saying - a neutering. Roger does not seem to think its funny when I say that and last night he got a little snippy with me and said "ya know these are my balls we are talking about here. Can you stop saying neutering." No. No I can not....and let me tell you why.....
I was pregnant three times and three times my darling, compassionate husband watched me vomit from week 6 - 6month, 4month and 3 month. He said wonderful things like "can you not puke up the food I just bought you...you are wasting our money!"
When I was in labor with Sully and the anesthesiologist tried to kill me and then the epidural only worked on one side of my body and the contractions were a minute apart and he said "what does it feel like?" I couldn't answer from the pain so he asked again "what does it feel like?" I again couldn't answer and lay in silence with my hands over my eyes in the fetal position. He asked again "what does it feel like and I screamed "IT FEELS LIKE IT FUCKING HURTS!" and he rolled his eyes and said something like "I didn't think you were going to one of those women in labor...nice" and went to talk to the nurse.
Post delivery with Kian when I was virtually ripping my skin off my neck and face from a withdrawal of the epidural he laughed and made Dave Chappelle jokes when he was the crack head looking for rock.
And lastly when I was in labor with Bridget - 14.5 hours of excruciating labor with no pain meds and Pitocin and at hour 11 - 12 when I thought I might be on the verge of death I summoned up all my energy to say "need you. need you." and he huffed over (because I had woken him up) and I said "just push on my forehead as hard as you can....apparently I thought if he attempted to crush my skull that might distract me from the pain below....I was wrong and my darling husband said "jesus can you not grab my hand so hard! That hurts!" 14 hours and I didn't make a peep, not a grunt or a moan or an anything - I listened to the hardest, loudest noise of music I could find on repeat on my ipod.
So....do I think its funny he's scared about a 5 minute procedure they do in an office under a local - yea its funny! Am I compassionate - nope. And when he says...."you don't understand...they are my balls" I wanna say - no you don't understand....it was my stuff too that had two episiotomies and one rip from stem to Stearn. No one gave me a bag of peas and said take it easy for a few days...they handed me a baby with the ability to suck a watermelon through a straw and said 'put him/her on your boob and if you feel your uterus contract like labor pains you are doing it right!'
